Heartbreak. If you haven’t experienced it yet, you will. Maybe it is with an ex, or an idea of a guy who doesn’t even know you exist. Heartbreak is real. It hurts. Yet, we still date. The question for us is, “How do I date well as a Christian woman?” There isn’t just one verse written in the Bible that explains how you should date; however, there are verses that direct you to finding a man of God and being a woman that he would want to pursue. If we are being honest, anyone can find someone to date. If we set our standards low enough, we would all be in relationships. But God has set us apart as His people and called us to His standards. He gives us clear guidelines to follow in His Word as we date.
Psalms 1 shows us the way of the righteous and the wicked. In verses 4-6 it says, “The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away. Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous; for the Lord knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish.” This is what we don’t want in a man! If we know what righteousness looks like, then we will easily be able to see “wicked” traits. Let’s take a look at what righteous traits appear in verses 1-3.
Verse one describes a man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, stand in the way of sinners, or sit in the seat of scoffers. A righteous man’s way of thinking, behaving, and belonging looks different than an ungodly man. He understands how sin develops and the danger of allowing the enemy a foothold. Clarke’s Commentary describes it as, “The great lesson to be learned from the whole is, sin is progressive; one evil propensity or act leads to another. He who acts by bad counsel may soon do evil deeds; and he who abandons himself to evil doings may end his life in total apostasy from God.” “He does not walk in the counsel of wicked” means he must first discern who makes up the counsel of the wicked. A righteous man surrounds himself with friends who are going in the same direction at the same speed as himself (Proverbs 12:26). This does not mean he is only friends with those of the same mindset, but it does mean his closest circle consists of those who share his same values. He finds his values in Truth—the Word of God, therefore his values do not waver. Psalm 119:24 is what he clings to: “Your laws please me; they give me wise advice.”
When the righteous man knows who guides his steps and where he finds truth, he realizes that his path is narrow and is not the same path as sinners. He knows that the less-traveled road is the wisest choice (Matthew 7:13-14). The righteous man does not always understand how the Holy Spirit is working in his life; however, he has peace knowing he is not in control, but God is sovereign.
Verse two shows how he built his character and on what foundation. Spurgeon said, “Man must have some delight, some supreme pleasure. His heart was never meant to be a vacuum. If not filled with the best things, it will be filled with the unworthy and disappointing.” One of the most attractive things a man can do is walk in obedience. From observing, you have the ability to witness a man’s fruit. His fruit comes from spending time with God, devoting himself to Scripture and prayer. The righteous man finds his delight in the Word of God. You place your time and effort in what you delight in. Not only does he delight in it, but he meditates on it day and night. In eastern meditation, the reason they meditate is to empty their mind. In Christian meditation, you fill your mind with the Word of God. The righteous man carefully thinks about what he reads and then applies it to his life.
Before you consider a relationship with a man, observe how he obeys. If he is already walking by faith and in obedience, then you can confidentially know he will continue after you become his girlfriend. This is important in how he values and respects you. He will seek God’s direction for the dating season and in return protect you emotionally. If he yearns for his words and heart to be acceptable to the Lord (Psalm 19:14), he is going to guard the reputation of God. When he guards the reputation of God, he guards his own, which also means he guards yours.
Verse three shows the blessings God gives to a righteous man. Because the righteous man is like a tree planted by water, he is always receiving what he needs. As a result, he yields fruit (Galatians 5:22-23), and everything he does prospers. He receives these blessings from walking with the Lord. He understands that when he abides in Christ, he will bear much fruit (John 15:5). He also realizes that fruit must yield in its season; it isn’t immediate.
“In all that he does, he prospers.” This doesn’t mean the righteous man has this magical touch, where if touches anything it will make him rich. What it does mean is God will bring forth something wonderful through him. This has to do with his character, not his characteristics, with him walking faithfully and obediently with God, and with him being planted next to a continual source of water.
I know so many women are worried about finding “Mr. Right.” STOP. If you are seeking God’s plan for your life and walking with Him (Matthew 6:33), He will place you where you need to be. Quit trying to force and control things! Find contentment in Christ alone. This is something you will need in all seasons to come, not just in your single season, so learn it now. You manipulating situations indicates that you do not trust God to provide what you need in His timing. I was talking to some of my guy friends about pursing girls and what that looks like from a male’s perspective. One friend described it using a deer analogy. He said, “Guys don’t go hunting to shoot a deer right in front of them.” This has everything to do with how God designed males. When we take control in a relationship (or before a relationship even starts), we are taking away their God-given role as a man. They yearn to pursue the woman. Let them be men.
Okay, so now you know what you are looking for in a potential boyfriend. What can you do in the waiting season? Strive to reflect more of God’s image while you wait on being pursued. Just like there are verses that help you recognize a man of God, there are verses that show you what a woman of God looks like. Below are verses you can pray over your future husband and over yourself. I know how much each girl dreams of her future husband. Do you pray as much as you daydream about him? Focus now on your relationship with God and Him growing you into a godly woman!
Lord, thank You for giving us Your Word for guidance in every area of our life, even when it comes to dating. Give us discernment and wisdom as we make decisions that can affect the rest of our lives. Let us strive to grow as wise women, preparing ourselves for our first love—You.
Song of Solomon 8:13
1 Peter 1:13-16
1 Peter 2:11